Ladies, I wanted to share something personal and real in hopes someone else can draw courage and make positive attitude adjustments about our bodies. My journey with my body insecurity has been a long one and while I certainly still have moments, I have also learned some valuable lessons in acceptance, maturity, and self love.
I’ve done several boudoir sessions at this point and I am always in awe of the beautiful images Tracey manages to capture. And as empowered as I feel to see this side of me, I can easily pick my flaws out of some of the photos too. Instead of allowing it to bring myself down I bring myself instead to reality. The sessions are amazing from the moment you speak to her the first time to the end of the experience when you pick up your wall art and printed products! While you’re in the studio you get pampered, you have access to a HUGE wardrobe, and she offers refreshments. Tracey’s energy is unique, very raw and real; feels like you’ve known her forever!
I wasn’t going to write this, but I’ve literally just been shown exactly why it needs to be done. And here we are back to reality; Looking at the photos I’ve received, allow me to share my raw and honest thoughts and how I’ve taught myself to maintain a positive self image that can and does reflect in photos:
Dat ass!!!
Well, what’s left of it. My ass has been flat since I had a baby… 8 years ago….
I don’t exercise, so I really can’t complain. I always have a plan to start some kind of butt workout and one day I will but today I’d rather drink a margarita. And I’m ok with that, I forgive myself.
That ass has been kissed, that ass has been kicked, and that ass always, always gets back up. That is one tough ass and I’m grateful for it in all its flattened glory – reality.
I’ve always felt like my thighs were extra large and I’ve always been insecure about them as long as I can remember. Sitting down in shorts and tight dresses always made me cringe. And of course if I crossed my legs you see all the cellulite on the bottom leg and that’s no fun. All the hate on my thighs for forever!! But reality is those thighs carry me around in the world. They carry an extra 70lbs around most days in the shape of my tiny human. They’ve stood up and walked out of an abusive marriage. They’ve carried my daughter into a new home where she feels safe and loved. They’ve held me up when I thought I couldn’t go on any further, and they always bring me home. So in reality, these things, my vain eyes gaze upon in hatred are one of my greatest gifts and most valuable assets.
Last but not least my midsection, formerly known as my stomach, now forever known as my “post baby belly.” I will admit there are more moments of disdain than appreciation here even still, but I have to talk myself back to reality and back to a mindset of gratitude and love. In the photo I could see immediately, the loose skin and extra fat all pulling to one side and it was super noticeable to me even though I loved everything else about it. It’s a twinge of embarrassment and a touch of shame – “why didn’t my stomach go back to normal like everyone else’s…?” And when those thoughts and feelings creep in I remind myself back to reality; that stomach grew a healthy (9.5 pound baby) for 42 weeks. That same stomach prayed for years for that baby to be in it. The stomach that first let me know I was pregnant – that gut feeling, and the nausea that followed. The knot that formed after the first sip of alcohol I had before I ever took a test, told me immediately. That stomach was sliced open, every layer, to get that baby out in the world safely. Without that stomach the light in my life that makes my world turn would not be here, and I don’t know what I’d do without her. She was the one who truly inspired me to love myself – for her benefit. This stomach held back the vomit when I had to tell her father it wasn’t going to work. This stomach untied itself while I explained to a potential new landlord what I was trying to do and it fluttered when I got the call back that the apartment was mine. It’s been there every step of the way and my god how I appreciate every single thing about it, flaws and all.
You see, I’ve learned sexy is not a size, sexy is not a stereotype. Sexy is a vibe and it comes from knowing your worth as an individual. Believing in all your positive qualities and being gracious, understanding, and forgiving when it comes to your flaws. Knowing anyone who’s worth your time will feel exactly the same. It’s taken me a long time to learn this lesson. I am 35 years old – I was married at 17, pregnant at 27, and divorced at 32….. lots of lessons learned for this woman.
So next time you see a gallery of my best I want you to remember I have flaws like you all do… but I’m not going to let that hold me back from taking chances, living life, and having amazing experiences like these super empowering boudoir shoots! I’ve learned to see underneath the skin, underneath the pain, underneath the doubt and see the beauty — the same beauty I see in each and every one of your photos. Because that is what I see now as a “grown up” – the beauty in everyone that goes beyond the physical… and that’s truly what this group is about.
